"i can’t eat that, i’ll get fat"
"i can’t sleep in late today i have to do work"
"no i can’t watch a whole season in one go that’s lazy"
"hey can you add this coupon?"
"sure, lemme just punch it in… oh wait uhh it was denied let me— ma’am this expired may of this year"
"you dont take expired coupons?"
no. thats the point of them expiring
when guardians of the galaxy finished and the credits started, a few people got up and started leaving and i said to my dad “this process is what i like to call ‘weeding out the weak’” and the woman in front of me heard me and laughed so hard she choked on her drink